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Signed in as:
filler@godaddy.com
This year the Lord answered a prayer that I later found out was one of the scariest ones I could pray. It was a month before 2025 was to end when I realized I was living in what I asked for.
He called me into a wilderness at the beginning of the year. Separated me from people I was certain with everything in me that they would be life long but instead they withdrew and spoke poorly about me- then He ordered me to pray for them, over and over again. He had me call people and put myself "out there". He had me surrender my idea of ministry. He had me alone.
When the isolation was too much to bear, I asked Him: “Why do you have me making embarrassing phone calls and then there’s these people that just stopped talking to me without telling me why and they’re walking around this place like nothing ever happened? How are they getting away with it?!” And He said, “Nobody’s getting away with anything.” That’s when I knew in my heart I needed to trust the Lord’s hand in this even though my flesh struggled immensely. I felt such humiliation all year as I found a part of me still desired fellowship with these people. The other part, however, was grief. I was grieved at seeing anyone, willingly, tainting their own testimony.
In God‘s goodness, as I sat with Him in the wilderness, He whispered and orchestrated new things. He brought life-giving, fruit producing relationships into my life. Relationships that added, them into me and me into them.
I learned to view my husband through the eyes of Jesus and not my infatuation. I learned to be more patient with my children. I learned that what is outside is not more important than what’s going on in my home. I learned that eventually you do find your people.
The scary prayer? “Lord, I want to love like you”